The word of the day is Freedom.
The freedom I’m talking about today isn’t anything extraordinary for an able bodied person – it is the freedom to move about my own home how and when I please. Freedom to take the garbage out, go to the bathroom, shower, move from one room to the next at my leisure. But I have a toddler, and thus, I don’t have this freedom.
Does anyone else have a toddler who clings to your legs and tries to climb you, red faced and screaming, when you do something so bold as to try walking into another room without them? When I’m holding my toddler and I say any of the following phrases, she clings to me like a spider monkey with a death grip:
I just have to go and…
I’m going to put you down for a second…
Can I just…
I’ll be right back…
I have to heat up the car before we leave for daycare in the mornings, and when I peel her off of me and walk out the front door she sounds like she is experiencing the worst heartache of her young life. Every time.
Doing the dishes and cooking dinner is a constant battle to keep her happy on the floor. I just can’t do these tasks while holding a 30 pound kid anymore.
I deal with this separation anxiety as the internet has told me to – with calmness, briefness, and always keeping my promise about coming back. But I think the only real solution is time. I know she’s securely attached, because she is completely happy to be left with people she trusts (her Mo, grandma, daycare provider), and her reaction to me when I return is a healthy amount of happiness (“You’re back! Let me tell you in baby gibberish about all the fun I had while you were gone!“) The problem is not about me leaving her with other people, it’s about the anticipation of separating from me.
If you can relate to how oppressive this can feel as a parent, please vent with me in the comments! It’s always nice to feel less alone.
Adventures of a Mom with a Wife 
YES!!! When I go through the baby gate into the bathroom, her world ends. She tells me she’s hungry, but I can’t fix her anything to eat because she’s under my feet in the kitchen and I can’t even move. I run upstairs to grab something and tell her I’ll be right back, and she throws herself on the floor at the bottom of the stairs wailing “bye bye!!” I mean seriously…when have I ever not come back kid!?!?
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So glad to not be alone in this! Your experience sounds just like mine.
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We go through bouts of this too. Luckily, she seems to understand “I’m going to be right back” so I can take the trash out, take the dogs out to pee, or start the car. However, she has recently started the pleading to be picked up at her new daycare provider as soon as we walk in the door. It’s so hard. At home, I use a sling to have her up with me whenever she’s being clingy. It helps a little bit. I completely agree with you – it’s a phase and we’ll miss it when it’s gone.
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Yes!! If I go out the front door to put garbage in the can, he stands at the open door way and wails as though I’ve vanished forever! Or if we are playing and I say that I have to go to the washroom, he immediately leaps up and yells “MY!”, which is his way of say “i’m coming too” (he replaces “i” with “my” right now) and he follows me to the bathroom and stands right at my knees jabbering on and on while I do my business. If the husband is home and I try to go to the washroom alone, H will follow after me and if I close the door to, for once, pee alone, he stands on the other side of the door wailing and trying to open it. Meanwhile my husband is standing there telling him that mommy will be right back. The wailing continues. I don’t have the same luxury as my husband of hanging out in the bathroom for awhile to get a break! Sometimes we will be walking outside and I just simply don’t want to carry his 33 pound body around, but when he wants to be carried, he decides he NEEDS to be carried, and only by me. Cue him standing at my feet, screaming with arms stretched up. I try to dodge around him to get him to follow me. Nope. I try to convince him to hold my hand. Nope. I try to tell him that we aren’t going anywhere until he walks on his own. Nope. None of that works. So I end up hauling his heavy body around while my husband has the freedom to walk hands free. We have started implementing shoulder rides, but we are pretending that his dad is the only one who can do them. That way it’s something fun for them to do and a way for him to be carried by his dad and not me. Freedom is a thing of the past!
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Omg this is soooo familiar. I’m so reassured knowing that it’s not just my toddler!! Also, I love the “only dad can give shoulder rides” idea… We may have to copy that….
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So far it works! Try it out! I figure we only have a set amount of time before he figures out that I’m totally capable of shoulder rides so we are taking advantage of it right now!
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