Yelling and Apologizing

Recently, an adult in Avery’s life thought she was touching something she wasn’t supposed to. This adult yelled and scolded her. And then they realized that she was in fact not touching anything off limits. They said nothing. I was entering the scene from a distance so I could see what was happening but I wasn’t seen. When I approached, Avery ran to me, hugged my legs, and her bottom lip started quivering.

We don’t yell in our family unless she is about to get seriously injured and needs to be startled out of doing something dangerous. That, and the time she started pulling my baby plants up out of the garden… I yelled like a Banshee at that… Not proud of it, but we all have buttons more easily pushed than others.

Anyway, I was struck by the fact that this adult didn’t apologize to Avery when they realized they were mistaken. They had yelled at her for touching one of her own toys. She was confused and sad. An apology would have fixed the situation, and shown Avery a valuable lesson about admitting when we’re wrong, and showing kindness to people.

But I didn’t have the nerve to correct the person. I didn’t ask them to apologize. I think I need to learn the valuable lesson of standing up for myself so I can model that to my daughter, and then we’ll both be able to demand apologies for ourselves.

3 thoughts on “Yelling and Apologizing

  1. I agree. I yell more than I care to admit (working on that) – not at my 3 year old but my 4 year old oh man – but I always say sorry after and explain to him why I yelled. He usually apologizes then as well. But ya what do you do when it’s someone else, an adult at that, who should apologize? Tough. Some people just don’t get that young children are people too and deserve our respect just as much as anyone else. Makes me wonder if that person would have apologized to another adult if that was the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Think about trying to ask questions of the adult in front of the child … what happened, was your assessment of the situation and response accurate and how did you follow up, what mistakes were made, but lots of adults will not admit error so evaluate the situation carefully before acting.
    Another response is to find out from the child what happened and you say the adult made an error and explain why they misunderstood. This is best in front of adult~ but life can be complex.
    Re-considering leaving child with that adult in charge may be your best solution, even if inconvenient.
    Always remember children can not only misunderstand but remember incorrectly ~ as can adults.
    It is tough.


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